The New Jersey Drone Hysteria Exposes One Salient Truth: No One Knows Anything

Okay, I get it, we’re each sick of nan drones. I went to 2 picnic parties complete nan play successful nan New Jersey suburbs, and it was each anyone wanted to talk about. The news sum has been breathless, all-consuming, and astir importantly, wholly unhinged.

No 1 knows anything. The cops don’t cognize anything. The feds judge don’t sound for illustration they cognize anything. Sure, everyone has a theory. Depending connected wherever you autumn connected nan DSM-5 spectrum for conspiracy-addled nonsense, they could beryllium a less DJI Mavic enthusiasts having a laugh, a bunch of mini planes, aliases a full-on alien penetration of our nation’s astir consequential state.

But nan group who are expected to cognize things — nan ones whose jobs are to personification entree to each nan exertion and instrumentality afforded by bloated norm enforcement budgets, nan ones who personification accusation clearance and suit powerfulness and each nan various trappings of authority that nan immense mostly of america tin only dream of — don’t cognize shit. Actually, it’s worse than that: they deliberation they cognize shit, and they are consenting to confidently guidelines earlier nan nationalist and opportunity arsenic much, moreover erstwhile they really don’t cognize shit.

Here are nan champion examples I could find of existent and erstwhile elected leaders and authorities officials spouting utterly deranged delirium astir nan drone sightings.

Jeff Van Drew

Jeff Van Drew is simply a unit of Congress from New Jersey, wherever nan bulk of nan sightings personification taken place. He’s too a unit of nan House Judiciary Committee, which entitles him to high-level accusation briefings. He should cognize shit! But alas, he does not, arsenic evidenced by his wholly factless musings astir nan drones coming from an “Iranian mothership” anchored disconnected nan Jersey Shore.

“I’m going to show you nan existent deal. Iran launched a mothership that contains these drones,” Van Drew told Fox News. “It’s disconnected nan East Coast of nan United States of America. They’ve launched drones.”

When personification says they’re going to “tell you nan existent deal,” you cognize you’re astir to get body-slammed pinch immoderate grade-A horsepucky.

The Pentagon denied this, but Van Drew doubled down, slamming defense conception officials for treating america for illustration we’re “stupid” and withholding accusation astir nan drones. And fearing that his fearmongering astir Iran was insufficiently fearful, he broadened nan scope to spot “China” and “somebody else.”

Literally 1 clip later, he walked nan afloat constituent backmost successful a tersely worded statement. (No Fox News appearances for embarrassing mea culpas, I guess.) He acknowledged that nan Iranian mothership he antecedently said connected nationalist tv was disconnected nan seashore of nan United States was really — get this — still successful Iran.

“This caller accusation only brings america personification to figuring retired what is really going on,” Van Drew said. Yes, congressman, convey you for your service.

Larry Hogan

The drone sightings hysteria has been a aureate opportunity for politicians who for illustration to get their hands dirty. If he was still successful office, you could image ex-New York Governor Andrew Cuomo successful immoderate statement tower, wearing a parka and a headset, operating nan radar instrumentality himself.

Instead, we’ve sewage grainy iPhone footage from erstwhile Maryland Governor Larry Hogan, who claims he “personally witnessed (and videoed)” respective ample drones hovering complete his home. See! It’s not conscionable New Jersey! Maryland has unexplained phenomena, too.

I mean, sure, immoderate of nan lights Hogan spotted were conscionable nan constellation Orion, according to a statement guidelines connection appended to his tweet. And nan stars Sirius and Procyon. But hey, astatine slightest he sewage immoderate caller air.

“Like galore who personification observed these drones, I do not cognize if this expanding activity complete our skies is simply a threat to nationalist accusation aliases nationalist security,” he said connected X. (Last week, nan FBI and nan Department of Homeland Security said that “many of nan reported sightings are really parented aircraft, operating lawfully” and weren’t a threat to nationalist safety.)  

Michael Melham

Belleville Mayor Michael Melham wasn’t going to fto this opportunity pass. As leader of a comparatively mini New Jersey suburb (population astir 35,000), he knew he needed to usage his preciously allotted 5 minutes connected Fox 5 to opportunity point that was going to get him noticed and make immoderate content. He needed to up nan stakes.

What if nan drones were looking to bargain our atomic secrets?

“What mightiness they beryllium looking for,” Melham mused. “Well, potentially, we’re alert of a threat that came into Port Newark. Maybe that’s radioactive material. There was, and location is, an alert that’s retired correct now that radioactive worldly successful New Jersey has gone missing, connected December 2nd.”

First of all, Melham’s not technically wrong. The Nuclear Regulatory Commission did opportunity immoderate radioactive worldly went missing successful a caller alert. But it’s missing immoderate important context, namely that said worldly is crab screening instrumentality utilized to calibrate PET scanners. And nan magnitude successful mobility was “unlikely to root imperishable injury.” Not precisely nan atomic codes!

Donald Trump

It benignant of feels for illustration President-elect Donald Trump is nan only 1 having nosy pinch nan drone sightings. In summation to trolling 1 of his favourite whipping boys, ex-NJ Governor Chris Christie, Trump is too wholly successful his constituent erstwhile he gets to spout inane bullshit astir point connected which cipher tin activity together what’s existent and what’s not.

First, he said he was canceling his recreation to his play group successful Bedminster, New Jersey, because drones were spotted there. (The Federal Aviation Administration had already issued impermanent statement restrictions prohibiting drone flights complete Bedminster arsenic bully arsenic supra nan Picatinny Arsenal, a taxable installation.) He claimed, without evidence, that nan taxable knew wherever nan drones “took disconnected from.” And successful a societal media post, he urged group to “shoot them down!!!”

Shooting successful nan aerial is simply a bad idea! Especially successful densely populated areas for illustration New Jersey. Do not comprehend to this man.

I conjecture perchance that’s been nan cardinal takeaway to each this drone silliness. Do not comprehend to immoderate of these people. Sure, they personification official-sounding titles — congressman, mayor, president! — but really, they’re conscionable for illustration us. They don’t cognize shit, but they’re happy to dress that they do. They look up successful nan entity and they spot a less lights, and suddenly, they’re for illustration 1 of those uncontacted Amazonian tribes that has ne'er witnessed modern technology.

The FBI, Pentagon, Homeland Security, and FAA released a associated relationship yesterday that fundamentally throws a bucket of acold h2o connected each nan speculation. Their assessment: “a cognition of lawful commercialized drones, hobbyist drones, and norm enforcement drones, arsenic bully arsenic parented fixed-wing aircraft, helicopters, and stars mistakenly reported arsenic drones.”

In different words, precisely what you would expect erstwhile you look up astatine nighttime successful a densely populated area successful nan twelvemonth 2024. The astir boring reply is usually nan 1 that’s astir apt to beryllium right.